i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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