Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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