you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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