You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
