so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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