wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
