now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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