I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
and you fell through a lawn chair
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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