I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
