I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
