I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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