Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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