doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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