i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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