Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
