I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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