What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
