this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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