she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
