Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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