We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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