She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
