i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
