Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize