We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
