I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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