You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
