Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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