i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
