Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
