Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
