guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
