My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
