i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
