Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize