whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
