I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
