3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
