I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
