New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
