Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
