my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
