Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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