Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
