In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
