somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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