i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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