Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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