he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
