I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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