She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
