I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
