Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
