O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
