So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
