Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
