Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize