I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
smell my finger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
