It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
