Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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