My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize