just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
