Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
