his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
