Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
