mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
