like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize