Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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