I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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