Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
