he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
