we're chasing vodka with high fives
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
