Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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