nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I intend to get homeless drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize