I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I touched a dick in church today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Couch. On fire.
false alarm, still single
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
