She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
