She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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