i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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