My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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