i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
