I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
