You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
