Me. At least after what I've been through.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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