you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
