Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
