even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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