i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
