Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
