I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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