I think my fart just growled at me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
