Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
