i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
