I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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