dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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