you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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