I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
