Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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