chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
