And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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