There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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