I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
