you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
