how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
