Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
