I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
