I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
