I must be too annoying 4 u.
More tranny stories later!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
