If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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