she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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