I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
