I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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